If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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