what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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