"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
