Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
