I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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