He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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