We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
