i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
