If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
