Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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