i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
