I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
