so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
