He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
