I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
