I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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