i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
