I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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