Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
