We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
