ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
