A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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