not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
