I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
