wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
