About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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