I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
