i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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