I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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