this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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