Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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