I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
