Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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