just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
