8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
