....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
