A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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