you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
