I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
