I just threw up on my dentist
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
