I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
