We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Is Oprah even human
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
