Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
But break dance skills will only take you so far
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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