Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
