i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
