I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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