Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
do nipples grow back?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
