dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
