Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
