My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
